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It's SNOWING
Dec. 18th, 2007 | 09:08 am
Well it was ...but now there is ice in my backyard...
anyone up for ice skating!!!!!
it reminded me of one of the little quotes i read online the other day.
" i wanna be so light and pretty that when i walk on snow i won't leave foot prints"
HAHAH that one was really stupid, i wish some of these site talk about more realistic things.
i have so many on my mind that if i say all...i might explode with typingness or something.
(no im not going crazy)
but yea even birds leave foot prints lol...and the little bug too, well he gets suck cuz its soo cold and freezes..EWWWW
um...my finals are almost over, so high fat/ calorie/ glecouse/ blah/ brain food will not be needed anymore.
=D yay...
anyone up for ice skating!!!!!
it reminded me of one of the little quotes i read online the other day.
" i wanna be so light and pretty that when i walk on snow i won't leave foot prints"
HAHAH that one was really stupid, i wish some of these site talk about more realistic things.
i have so many on my mind that if i say all...i might explode with typingness or something.
(no im not going crazy)
but yea even birds leave foot prints lol...and the little bug too, well he gets suck cuz its soo cold and freezes..EWWWW
um...my finals are almost over, so high fat/ calorie/ glecouse/ blah/ brain food will not be needed anymore.
=D yay...
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Fuck Pro Ana
Dec. 18th, 2007 | 08:59 am
I hate it when girls come on and start asking to become PRO ANA
its like fucken asking can you give me a disease that one day will kill me..
That will eat my organs alive and slowly kill me from the inside out.
Can i please have a piece of that slowly deterating liver organ.
With a dash of my hair thats falling out, and my nails that are weakening.
Don't worry about me, my bones are pretty and perfect, if feels like im flying. Im as light as a fucken feather.
OH and don't forget, that when i feel pretty and perfect thats were you bring my new , hand made, italian coffin.
ps. i'd like to be buried by the beach.
GAH.... sometimes its good using your brains.
Pro ana is such a strong word.
.... just say you wanna lose some weight and ill be fine but don't say pro ana..
You can't chose to become anorexic, well you can at first but they you will see that its not you that has that control you being wanting on your body, but this stupid sickness and obsession.
WOW i was having a pretty good day until i read that. GAHHhhh its so stupid
its like fucken asking can you give me a disease that one day will kill me..
That will eat my organs alive and slowly kill me from the inside out.
Can i please have a piece of that slowly deterating liver organ.
With a dash of my hair thats falling out, and my nails that are weakening.
Don't worry about me, my bones are pretty and perfect, if feels like im flying. Im as light as a fucken feather.
OH and don't forget, that when i feel pretty and perfect thats were you bring my new , hand made, italian coffin.
ps. i'd like to be buried by the beach.
GAH.... sometimes its good using your brains.
Pro ana is such a strong word.
.... just say you wanna lose some weight and ill be fine but don't say pro ana..
You can't chose to become anorexic, well you can at first but they you will see that its not you that has that control you being wanting on your body, but this stupid sickness and obsession.
WOW i was having a pretty good day until i read that. GAHHhhh its so stupid
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what the hell smoking?
Dec. 17th, 2007 | 09:14 am
Today is my astronomy final. whoopee .
one test i know im going to fail badly
whatever!!!! i sound like a bitch (cool)
i feel freaken high off of a bread thingy i just had 310 cals.
and i smoked two...what the fuck!!! i quit for like 2 weeks...
argh... i don't want lung cancer.
i got one full box left, i don't wanna throw it out its a waste...
im soo stupid.
my dad dropped me off at school at 8 ....i have to stay in the library and "study" for the test that im going to FAIL all day..then at 4 i get my lazy fat ass up to the class...walk across the whole campus, like 2 miles and freeze...and maybe die (COOOLLL)
oh i need another smoke...
nope im in the library...being a good girl..
i should shut up and go.
one test i know im going to fail badly
whatever!!!! i sound like a bitch (cool)
i feel freaken high off of a bread thingy i just had 310 cals.
and i smoked two...what the fuck!!! i quit for like 2 weeks...
argh... i don't want lung cancer.
i got one full box left, i don't wanna throw it out its a waste...
im soo stupid.
my dad dropped me off at school at 8 ....i have to stay in the library and "study" for the test that im going to FAIL all day..then at 4 i get my lazy fat ass up to the class...walk across the whole campus, like 2 miles and freeze...and maybe die (COOOLLL)
oh i need another smoke...
nope im in the library...being a good girl..
i should shut up and go.
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Okay this is when im going to start.
Dec. 14th, 2007 | 10:34 pm
For now i have finals and im not going to stress myself about anything but school. but the fact is that i am going to stress..about every little thing.
so next thursday? or wed?
yea? right?
YESSS duh
im goin to go crazy
so next thursday? or wed?
yea? right?
YESSS duh
im goin to go crazy
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too thin.....( i need help)
Oct. 2nd, 2007 | 08:33 pm
mood: 
blank
well ladies things have been really strange lately....my boy friend complained for being too thin and he told me he was going to break up with me if i didn't do somthing...so we worked together and i became healthy for 2 months now...but i hate it...i got the curves back the fucken curves i never wanted...all the fat and flab... and now my new computer is all fucked up and im soo pissed...well going off topic now. i have missed soo much on here, i promised him i would not visit this site anymore...and that i would gain all the 15 pounds back...well helped me gain it back, but i can't stand it i want to be me again. is funny i lost the drive and motivation, i need help to get it back, help me plz like im really in deep trouble im back to 115...i want to go back i dont' care what he says i hate being like this, yes it was good for a while i ate whatever junk i wanted but now its all shit.
PLEASE LADIES help me...where is my motivation, how come i can't do it? what should i do? ahhh i hate my bf right now for doing this to me, he should of loved me the way i was, and not changed me
oh and college life sucks fucken donkey balls
PLEASE LADIES help me...where is my motivation, how come i can't do it? what should i do? ahhh i hate my bf right now for doing this to me, he should of loved me the way i was, and not changed me
oh and college life sucks fucken donkey balls
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(no subject)
Jun. 18th, 2007 | 12:33 pm
i haven't posted or looked on live journal in a while.
and i been doing good.
and plus i found a boy friend?????
well last night we talked and we both agreeded that we would keep our seeing each other on the down low.
we would not share it with our friends or family.
but then he went on saying "of course...we are friends"
OMFG...friends..that set me off i didn't yell at him but i didn't understand him either.
YOU MEAN U MAKE OUT WITH UR FRIENDS..AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH U LOVE THEM. MAKE THEM FEEL IMPORTAND, ASK THEM OUT ON A DATE, CALL THEM EVERY NIGHT JUST TO ASK THEM HOW THEY ARE AND STILL.....WE ARE JUST FUCKEN FRIENDS??/?????
MY POINT IS, IS THIS WHAT HE DOES WITH EVER "GIRL FRIEND' HE HAS??????
OR IS THIS A MISUNDERSTANDING
GAH I NEED HELP
AND AS SOON AS HE SAID THAT I FUCKEN TURNED TO FOOD.....AND SWEETS I DON'T CARE MUCH ABOUT THE EATING BUT REALLY, DO GUYS DO THAT HOOK UP WITH A GIRL FOR DAYS THEN SAY WE ARE FRIENDS
I KNOW I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM TO STRAIGHTIN THINGS OUT.
BUT THE THING IS THAT HE KNEW I WAS NEVER WITH A GUY AND THAT HE WAS MY FIRST KISS AND SHIT...SOUNDS STUPID BUT I WANTED MY FIRST TO MEAN SOMETHING TO ME......AND NOT JUST MAKING OUT WITH A FRIEND.
IF ANYONE IS READING THIS ADIVE WOULD HELP.
THNX <3
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(no subject)
May. 1st, 2007 | 10:34 pm
i always do this to myself.
set goal and never accomplish them fully.
im so ...EWWWWWW...i can't even look at myself
i disappoint myself left and right
pure fat lard of shit!
disgusting!
set goal and never accomplish them fully.
im so ...EWWWWWW...i can't even look at myself
i disappoint myself left and right
pure fat lard of shit!
disgusting!
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i found out the meaning to be broken in more ways then one.
Apr. 27th, 2007 | 07:14 pm
i feel sick to my bones.
im hurt, very hurt.
tell u the truth, i never new that your best friends can be the biggest back stabber.
they are the best ones, the ones who uses u and abuses u.
yes, best friends! im never gonna trust any of them.
THEY MAKE ME SICK.
it my other entries i talked about how i like this boy.
and how this girl is trying to take him.
well her fucken mission is accomplish.
hope she fucken rots in hell..
gah!!!
first my friends fucken backstabbers kick me out of the limo b.c we are not "really friends after 5 fucken years".....like who says that.
i mean, what heart they have to even think that.
you would think that yea the people that you spend time with and the ones that you hang out with for five years are your friends...well i guessed wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
back to the boy thing....well she finally took him.
today, my fucken luck.
the day that i wanted to ask him to prom.
i think im gonna tell him how i feel tho.
what do u think? (to whom ever is reading this)
idk...im lost.
and broken
very broken
i want friends
i want my friends back.
i want me back
gah....sry for cuzin so much <33
depression hit in....lost a good 9 pounds..prob water weight still =(
binged on fudge ice cream last night, didn't hurt me tho. w/e
i want this pain to stop.
gah, im never happy, i want and need help.
AND IF I MAKE NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER SRRRRYYY
im hurt, very hurt.
tell u the truth, i never new that your best friends can be the biggest back stabber.
they are the best ones, the ones who uses u and abuses u.
yes, best friends! im never gonna trust any of them.
THEY MAKE ME SICK.
it my other entries i talked about how i like this boy.
and how this girl is trying to take him.
well her fucken mission is accomplish.
hope she fucken rots in hell..
gah!!!
first my friends fucken backstabbers kick me out of the limo b.c we are not "really friends after 5 fucken years".....like who says that.
i mean, what heart they have to even think that.
you would think that yea the people that you spend time with and the ones that you hang out with for five years are your friends...well i guessed wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
back to the boy thing....well she finally took him.
today, my fucken luck.
the day that i wanted to ask him to prom.
i think im gonna tell him how i feel tho.
what do u think? (to whom ever is reading this)
idk...im lost.
and broken
very broken
i want friends
i want my friends back.
i want me back
gah....sry for cuzin so much <33
depression hit in....lost a good 9 pounds..prob water weight still =(
binged on fudge ice cream last night, didn't hurt me tho. w/e
i want this pain to stop.
gah, im never happy, i want and need help.
AND IF I MAKE NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER SRRRRYYY
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(no subject)
Apr. 22nd, 2007 | 08:45 pm
yea...well im keep going back and forth.
FUCK ME!! Gah...
back at 119 or 118....bang bang bang
just had 2 slices of pizza
and like 6 cookies
2 cups of ice cream
FUCK ME!! Gah...
back at 119 or 118....bang bang bang
just had 2 slices of pizza
and like 6 cookies
2 cups of ice cream
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i need a bullet and some pain killers
Apr. 18th, 2007 | 08:00 pm
im not myself today.
i been crying out of control, not loud but out of no where tears are just falling.
im sick of this shit.
Im suppose to be happy i got accepted to one of my "fav" colleges, well i have to go there even if i don't like it. Don't really have a choice.( my parents)..gah so whatever.
How come my stomach is bloated...i didn't really eat anything but i feel so big and full. My weight keeps going up and down which i really don't like.
then im taking this acne medication shit that getting my nerves all fucked up not couting my bones and joints hurt like hell.
my mom keeps telling me that my diet is not safe im not eating enough protine. but i just cooked chicken and mixed it with some salad. and i ate 2 cupcakes and some up.
why do i feel so depressed.
im losing my life..no wait i have no life.
im losing myself and "him" gah
i just wanna be happy.
i want to tell someone about my liitle thing.
i want help at the same time i just wanna be left alone
i don't know what i want any more
my life sucks
and like g-d come on what more do u want from me!!!
im a fucken senior i got 30 days of school left and my life is fucken screwing up out of no where.
WHY THE HELL AM I CRYING!!!!!
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(no subject)
Apr. 17th, 2007 | 11:48 pm
had a mini fucken binge...BLAH..
i am gonna be 103...
i feel like my insides are eating each other...OUCH!!
and that my chest is about to break in two..OMG
am i dying???
i am gonna be 103...
i feel like my insides are eating each other...OUCH!!
and that my chest is about to break in two..OMG
am i dying???
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(no subject)
Apr. 16th, 2007 | 11:43 pm
ah today i had a good day...
i didn't talk much to anyone, didn't really have much to say anyways.
but it was all good.
after school me and my mom went prom dress shopping again.
i found a beautiful dress...it was a bit big cuz they didn't have my size but im getting it fixed. ill post pics up later.
im kinda sick right now i don't know whether its from not eating or a fever..
but whatever.
115 today YAY!!!!
12 more pounds to go.
i didn't talk much to anyone, didn't really have much to say anyways.
but it was all good.
after school me and my mom went prom dress shopping again.
i found a beautiful dress...it was a bit big cuz they didn't have my size but im getting it fixed. ill post pics up later.
im kinda sick right now i don't know whether its from not eating or a fever..
but whatever.
115 today YAY!!!!
12 more pounds to go.
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(no subject)
Apr. 15th, 2007 | 07:51 pm
Im gonna try for the first time doing a stupid LJ cut...hope it work.
for now they are just thinspo pics...
maybe next week ill post pics of myself and the progress im making???
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(no subject)
Mar. 17th, 2007 | 02:51 pm
after two months of battle tears and hurt.
i bounced back.
fucker im screwing up too much.
i need good distractions.
im fucken bloated and it doesn't feel good one bit.
i guess im freaken out....FREAKEN OUT...well u know what ..people are like relax. u can start agian tomorrow.
and im sick of that, because i do that every day. and its not fun when the clock strikes 8...and my fucken binging on whatever i can get my hands on begins.
form the time i wake up to when i get home 2...and then dinner time..intake is under 500..but
after dinner....intake 1,000,000,000,000,000 fucken calories..
gah..
im stupidly snowed in today, and i can't go to the gym
....so i decided to bake pancakes for lunch, then go out shoveling some snow, but only problem is...its not snow...its ICE!!!!!!!
im gonna go binge for the last day, and start again tomorrow...and if i break my calorie limit intake..then something bads gonna happen...but if i do reach my goal..
im gonna buy a BOYFRIEND jeans from GAP...
yeah..so i got to do this..have to have to.
for prom and my sisters bat mitzvah i want my back to show all the bones.
and my ams to be like sticks.
i can do it,
and i will do it.
this is for real.
i promise!!
im carving im goal weight into my arm, and everytime i eat i will see it and stop.
(with a pen)
im done for today.
gah
i bounced back.
fucker im screwing up too much.
i need good distractions.
im fucken bloated and it doesn't feel good one bit.
i guess im freaken out....FREAKEN OUT...well u know what ..people are like relax. u can start agian tomorrow.
and im sick of that, because i do that every day. and its not fun when the clock strikes 8...and my fucken binging on whatever i can get my hands on begins.
form the time i wake up to when i get home 2...and then dinner time..intake is under 500..but
after dinner....intake 1,000,000,000,000,000 fucken calories..
gah..
im stupidly snowed in today, and i can't go to the gym
....so i decided to bake pancakes for lunch, then go out shoveling some snow, but only problem is...its not snow...its ICE!!!!!!!
im gonna go binge for the last day, and start again tomorrow...and if i break my calorie limit intake..then something bads gonna happen...but if i do reach my goal..
im gonna buy a BOYFRIEND jeans from GAP...
yeah..so i got to do this..have to have to.
for prom and my sisters bat mitzvah i want my back to show all the bones.
and my ams to be like sticks.
i can do it,
and i will do it.
this is for real.
i promise!!
im carving im goal weight into my arm, and everytime i eat i will see it and stop.
(with a pen)
im done for today.
gah
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(no subject)
Mar. 11th, 2007 | 10:16 pm
well girls...i need a bit of help.
i want to post some pics...
but how do i post a tag?
yes, i read the instructions but it says nothing..or maybe im just too stupid to understand it.
so if one of u lovelys can explain. that would be great.
i want to post some pics...
but how do i post a tag?
yes, i read the instructions but it says nothing..or maybe im just too stupid to understand it.
so if one of u lovelys can explain. that would be great.
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i ran away from home lol
Mar. 1st, 2007 | 07:41 pm
I got into a fight with my mom...it was awesome
haha we are not talking anymore
i sat in the crying for most of the time.
Its like so hard for her to understand me, and shes killing me little by little. what is her problem?
after in the car for about 10min im like "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING"
so i got out...had my Ipod with me which saved my life.
and just ran way.
for about 4 hours..then it got cold and dark..
sad thing is i don't drive..and i had no money and my closest friends house was about 5 milies away or so =(
....i walked to my school hungout with a few ppl.
then went home...
im getting drunk off of pepsi jazz STRAWBERRY N CREAM...AMAZZINGGGG
i lost another 2 pounds today...110 baby..
goal for next week 105..
Im not talking with anyone but my friends still, which is pretty cool..no more stress lets see how long i could keep it up with out cracking lol..
yea the end im done.
haha we are not talking anymore
i sat in the crying for most of the time.
Its like so hard for her to understand me, and shes killing me little by little. what is her problem?
after in the car for about 10min im like "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING"
so i got out...had my Ipod with me which saved my life.
and just ran way.
for about 4 hours..then it got cold and dark..
sad thing is i don't drive..and i had no money and my closest friends house was about 5 milies away or so =(
....i walked to my school hungout with a few ppl.
then went home...
im getting drunk off of pepsi jazz STRAWBERRY N CREAM...AMAZZINGGGG
i lost another 2 pounds today...110 baby..
goal for next week 105..
Im not talking with anyone but my friends still, which is pretty cool..no more stress lets see how long i could keep it up with out cracking lol..
yea the end im done.
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wow. i don't know how to do this.
Feb. 26th, 2007 | 07:15 pm
my first entry...
and i got tons and tons of school work. this is great.
i will have to learn how to upload pics and how to fix layouts on this site.
so if u can help out that would be great.
hahah screw this...i don't know how to fix livejournal....Help!!!
thnx.
and i got tons and tons of school work. this is great.
i will have to learn how to upload pics and how to fix layouts on this site.
so if u can help out that would be great.
hahah screw this...i don't know how to fix livejournal....Help!!!
thnx.