noshi17 -

I have a little Rant, sry i can't post it behinde don't know how, but if u like read, it would be nice =) and help me out with this off topic problem thnx <3

 I have not done anything recently but try to get my sanity back!
The last couple of weeks have been hell, and thats why i have not posted and i gave up on posting my daily intakes and thinspo on my journal with is a FAIL for me.
Recently my dream came true, my prince charming after 6 years of waiting for him sweept me off my feet and i couldn't be happier.
Little did i know that dreams are not real! and reality and life sucks! my life sucks! my friends can all go die....and im completly alone and stupid for liking and caring for someone so much. 1 years of him not even noticing me SUCKED! 1 year of knowing me and not talking to me SUCKED even more 1 year of getting to know me more and suddenly disappearing was HORRIBLE! 1 year of having him back as good friends then some slutty ass girl taking him away was HELL! 1 year of having my gf date my long time crush and listing to her brag and shit was GAH KILL ME NOW!!...1 year of him leaving the state going cross country to military training was YAY now i can try to forget about you. 7 months of talking to me online telling me u want me even though i had a bf was "shoot me now i want u soo much too"!! 2 weeks wait to break up with my bf, and finally see him 1 week of firting, and making me fall in love with him all over again.. 2 months of "damn i cant get you out of my head or my heart marry me now feeling" (my life sucks ass ---donkey poo)
THEN SUDDENLY DISSAPPEARING on me AGAIN.
- he told me he wants me and i said yes
- he told me beuitiful things and i melted
- he told me i love you in my ear and my heart stopped
      - than the stopped
      - NO more talking
      - NO more hugs or hellos
      - NO more phone calls
- but i still love him, why does this have to hurt so much? y can't i just sit down and forget him all together? i can't do my work or live my life for a second with out thinking about him. Y doesn't he talk to me? Y would he hurt me so much and disrespect me and ignore me?
What the hell did i do wrong? 
- Friends are all stupid, he told my gf that we were DONE, DONE?!?!? what the fuck, when did we start for it to be done? How come i wasn't in formed of it being DONE? am i just a freaken object? Y can't men learn to talk to you and understand that I HAVE FEELING!!! I GOTTA DAMN HEART!! 
And now its broken in to pieces.
- Its stupid to hear that you broke up with ur "boyfriend????"  from one of your Girl Friends.
 
i got my cartilage pierced yesterday for him, old myself that this is the pain he gave me...but hah it didn't hurt enough to even distract me from the pain and hurt hes givin.
I wanna just talk to him and tell him how much respect i had for him, and how much i still care. And tell him how i feel and what hes doing to me! But he wont answer my text and i don't know what to do!!! everytime he sign on AIM i see his name it brings tears to my eyes, I want it to STOP.

WHAT SHOULD I DO??? 
I NEED HELP!!!
=( i need some hard core drugs.